In recent years, I’ve learned to be more present. I am most present when I schedule one-on-one time with someone. I want to be there in the moment, and I hope that people notice that. I wasn’t always like this, but over time, I learned to be this way. I know how it feels when someone I am with is not paying attention to me, and so I now try not to be that person to someone else. 

When I am not around other people, I can go back to overthinking and not being present. Sometimes, that is great because I am good at planning for what’s next, but I struggle with turning that part of my brain off unless I spend quality time with another person. 

I need to learn how to be the person for myself that I am for other people. I know that I need to do that, but sometimes, I fall into a false sense that I need to earn those moments. I know it’s a lie but can be hard to overcome.

So last week I had to spend the day at the hospital. The purpose of this post is not to go into why I was there, but I was there. I felt a sense of peace while there. I did need to look at my phone occasionally, but I made a point not to use it as a distraction but as a tool. So, I didn’t spend time browsing the internet, watching YouTube, or listening to podcasts. I would close my eyes and listen to my surroundings. When Someone was helping me, I would take the time to be present and interact with those helping me. I could tell they appreciated it, and a few of the staff went out of their way to tell me that I made their day, which made me feel special. It did help that I have a great team at work that I knew could take up the slack while I was gone, which made it easier to take that break.

So how can I do that for myself more often?

My goal for this coming week is to spend time with myself and not feel like I have to earn that time. That is my time, and I must listen and be kind to myself. I am not a slave to my thoughts. They are valuable tools that only mean to help. I will allow them to be still as I am still. 

I need to be okay with silence, both externally and internally.